Usually when people ask about success, they talk about the amount of money in their bank account, the kind of car they are driving or the square footage of their house. But is that really what defines success? Success is not always what we see or what we think it is.
So what is actually success? Is having loads of money success? Is achieving a high rank at work means success? Is being surrounded by friends who love and respect you success? Is dancing at your 20th wedding anniversary success? I can keep going but you can see the point.
I, like many others, used to measure success by how much I could afford. Well, it is not difficult to come to this way of thinking when all your life you are being programmed into believing that being rich is the only way in life. I remember being called a loser, because I decided to let education go and concentrate on my relationship. After all, the chain goes :” school-> job -> money”, and according to many I have failed at the first step to success, so I will never become successful. Yes, maybe my relationship wasn’t exemplary at the time, but my priorities were clear to me and I had all the intentions, no matter, to be my definition of successful.
Today, I am glad I didn’t crack under peer pressure. My relationship is amazing, with a wonderful man who loves and respects me and wants to build a family together. I decided to read and learn about how to have a good relationship and polish couple skills. I didn’t want it to just “fall together”, because things that easily fall together, as easily fall apart.
So as I said, I started learning. I began with “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It teaches that as we have different languages in the world, we have different languages of love. Easy, if your wife speaks Chinese and you speak English, no matter how loud you speak, she still wont understand you, most likely that you both will just end up very frustrated. We just have a different way of receiving and giving love. For example, If you feel loved by spending time together and your husband feels loved when you give him compliments, no matter how much time you will spend one on one, if you do not give him his dose of compliments for the day, he will not feel loved, and vice versa. This is the principle Number One I apply in my relationship.
The other book that really helped was “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer. This one teaches that we all have different personalities. Simple! Did it ever happen to you that you wonder if you and your siblings are really from the same parents? Well, it is because we all have different personalities. By learning that you can understand why we all act a certain way.
Next came “The Power of A Woman’s Words” by Sharon Jaynes. At first this book was difficult to read, because it is filled with bible quotes, and at the time I started reading it, I was very atheistic. This books explains very well how our (women) words affect everyone around us, how we can build or crush with simple words. I wish I have read this book ten years ago.
There were many others, but those were the top ones I considered helpful. Those books made me Successful in what I consider success. Plus, as you see, those principles can be applied not only with your loved ones but with other people too. For example, if you know your boss’s love language, lets say it’s Words of affirmation aka compliments, then you know that if you give your boss some compliments, sincere compliments, he will appreciate you more. It is all part of people skills, which we all know are very important if we want to go somewhere in life.
All of this just to say, define what success means to you and act on it, work to get closer to it every day. Life is short and it is up to YOU and only YOU if you would suffer and just go with the flow or Live The Life You Always Wanted.